Christina Maki

You know what’s missing from today’s kids’ programs?

Awesomeness.

I bring you five of my favorite shows from when I was a tyke, waaaaaay back in the 80s and 90s.

The Wuzzles

The Wuzzles were like a science experiment gone horribly wrong. Each animal was a mashup of two other animals. Bumblelion was a lion/bumblebee cross, Elleroo was an elephant/kangaroo, Hoppopotamus is a rabbit/hippo (although she comes out looking more like a donkey than anything else). You get the idea. Weird premise for a show, but I loved it. Apparently it was bigger in the UK than it was here. There was merchandise, as well. I remember collecting the plastic figurines and having a Bumblelion plush. Or maybe I’m thinking of my Popples toys. That was another bizarre cartoon… My sister and I liked the tapes so much that my parents got tired of watching them and threw them out.

Legends of the Hidden Temple

This was one of my favorite game shows from the 90s. The host, Kirk Fogg, was kind of a tool, but I liked the fact that they taught you about mythology from a bunch of different cultures on the show. What was with the idiot kids who couldn’t figure out the statue in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey, though? I mean, c’mon, it was three pieces, for Christ’s sake. I’ve seen toddlers figure out more complex toys than that in less time than it took these fools to completely bollocks the whole thing up. And the toddlers drooled less, too.

Jem

SHOWTIME, SYNERGY! I loved Jem so much, I named my dog after her. This show was pretty much my favorite when I was about six or seven. It was, dare I say… truly outrageous?

Now that I’m older though, I can admit that the Misfits made better music. (I’m still amazed that Guns N’ Roses didn’t sue their pants off for Welcome to the Jungle… probably because Pizzaz intimidated them with her awesomely green hair.) I’m also pretty sure the show featured the first lesbian couple on kids’ TV. Kimber and Stormer were *not* “just friends.” And hey, what the heck was Rio’s deal? What a cheating douchebag. He didn’t know that Jem and Jerrica were the same girl, yet there he was, makin’ out with both of them. The manwhore.

Doug

This is definitely my favorite Nicktoon of all time. It went way, WAY downhill when Disney bought the show and moved it to ABC, but up until that point it was great. The art was creative, the plots were compelling, and the show had a message. And QUAILMAN! Who can forget everyone’s favorite underpants-bearing, belt-headed superhero? I was pretty bummed when I saw how much the quality dropped when the show got moved. Boo, Disney!

Clarissa Explains it All

Ahhh, Melissa Joan Hart before she ruined her carreer with Sabrina the Teenage Witch… This show may very well be the reason I’m currently with Greg, actually. I thought Clarissa had the coolest fashion sense ever. Now, that notion just makes me laugh.

There are soooooo many more awesome shows from that era that I could have listed, but sadly it’s called the Friday Five, not the Friday Fifteen. Leave me a note and tell me YOUR favorite shows from the 80s and 90s. We’ll all reminisce in the comments. :)